March started out strong, with lots of great tweets. Then I began a huge project for my San Diego Junior Theatre reunion this summer, and I mostly disappeared from twitter. It was a nice break from negativity and bad news.
A few of these are screen captures instead of links, to make them easier to read. Sometimes I don’t see tweets until they’ve been retweeted by others, so the first of these are dated the end of February.
March. You told yourself you were going to get a grip on your life in January.
— Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle) March 1, 2018
the first rule of micromanager club is…here, i'll just show u
— Alien Skier (@ClichedOut) March 1, 2018
Sound On: This made my night. A baby chimp being rescued from poachers in the Congo and being flown to safety. I watched it three times and felt less stressed. The pilot is so kind and gentle. pic.twitter.com/nX1TOUCbyb
— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) March 1, 2018
Americans: "Everything in Australia can kill you!"
Australians: "Probably not an AR-15." pic.twitter.com/tSgbQnKIMJ
— Variable (@variableaus) February 28, 2018
This is the most hilarious thing I've read this week. pic.twitter.com/sS30vv0Rlm
— Sassy Little Hobbit (@LI_politico) March 1, 2018
— Swear Who (@swear_who) March 2, 2018
Happy #WorldWildlifeDay! I wonder what Don and Eric killed to celebrate.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) March 3, 2018
March is coming in like a lion, but I'm pretty sure it'll go out like a disgraced member of Trump's inner circle.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) March 3, 2018
— Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) March 3, 2018
Having a crush on someone is so exciting. You know you'll end up ruining things like you always do, but how? The possibilities are endless.
— ᴠɪɴᴄᴇɴᴛ (@vinnycrack) March 1, 2018
I told my kids that at their age I had to watch VHS tapes on school safety, and they said “what’s school safety?”
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) March 3, 2018
I try very hard not to judge, but when people say they didn't like Season 2 of The Wire I really struggle
— Laura Shepherd-Robinson (@LauraSRobinson) March 4, 2018
My daughter just tried pizza for the first time. pic.twitter.com/yiPNJgUBJg
— Jody Avirgan (@jodyavirgan) March 3, 2018
My stint as a tour guide at Sea World in the ’80s makes this especially funny:
Oh I see, when Guillermo del Toro does it, suddenly it's Best Picture, but when I do it, it's "breaching aquarium policy"
— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) March 5, 2018
Parker, I'm so glad I had the chance to meet you today (and for the dance party)! Keep on dreaming big for yourself…and maybe one day I'll proudly look up at a portrait of you! pic.twitter.com/faUVTsYWun
— Michelle Obama (@MichelleObama) March 6, 2018
It’s weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like “idk how to hold a pencil”
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) March 6, 2018
This pic makes the Oscars feel worth it. pic.twitter.com/k2euJfoYuk
— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) March 7, 2018
“I remember making the choice to be unafraid. I made the choice to not care what others thought of who I was. I was going to be truly me.” Thank you, @AdaRipp, for being a champion to the #LGBTQ community. ⛸✨🏳️🌈 pic.twitter.com/xHxmtpj1BI
— Human Rights Campaign (@HRC) March 12, 2018
The joys of Daylight Savings Time:
Apparently, it's National "Wake your children up in darkness and tell them they're late for school" Day.
— Johnny Abbott (@johnnyabbott) March 12, 2018
Live feed of Devin Nunes and his fellow Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee… pic.twitter.com/4pAx6mmkA8
— Caroline O. (@RVAwonk) March 13, 2018
When you gain winter weight but bae promised they’d still love you the same. pic.twitter.com/IpPIZa5DmT
— Ben Hall (@MrBenLHall) March 10, 2018
Being an adult is basically just texting your friends back and forth saying stuff like, "work is crazy" & "i'm so tired" until one of you dies
— Angelo Napoli (@iamangnapoli) March 10, 2018
live shot of Rex Tillerson leaving the White House pic.twitter.com/SLSZM57D8M
— shauna (@goldengateblond) March 13, 2018
A drag queen dressed as Elsa just single-handedly freed a stuck police wagon from a blizzard in the middle of March. If that sentence doesn't perfectly encapsulate the spirit of Boston, I don't know what does.
Video credit: Christopher Haynes pic.twitter.com/6IiXVWFVvw
— Sarah McGonagall (@sarahmcgbeauty) March 14, 2018
Trying to find new music to skate to and I’ve been so busy that I’m considering just skating to my voice mails because it’s the only way I’ll listen to them.
— Adam Rippon (@Adaripp) March 14, 2018
Me: How’d the walkout go?
Daughter: Most people were supportive except one lady who drove by & flipped us off.
Me: Did you smile back?
Daughter: I took her photo for Yearbook..
— Kenny Mayne (@Kenny_Mayne) March 14, 2018
Driving to Woodford station I see a 18yr old lad laying in the road. He’d been stabbed in the stomach seconds before I got there. Luckily I had the first aid kit in the boot for a swab and foil blanket. Looking in his eyes while he asks me am I going to die. Not on my watch son
— Andrew Hollands (@AHollands79) March 15, 2018
Girl crushes a cotton candy eating contest ❤️. pic.twitter.com/AiEATAWBQH
— DestinyDelight (@DelightDestiny) March 15, 2018
One of my favorite games to play is “is my headache from dehydration, caffeine withdrawal, lack of proper nutrition, my ponytail, stress, lack of sleep, not wearing my glasses or brain tumor?”
— parker (@pmilbs_) March 15, 2018
Here are some tiny baby toes pic.twitter.com/dR5638WL6O
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) March 17, 2018
everyone so mad about Cambridge Analytica but this only happened because u assholes took a quiz about 80's movies or wanted to see what you'd look like as a badger
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 20, 2018
I love this article. Also, all straight guys and girls, if we ever have the chance to hang, do it. I promise you will have a mf blast because I’m a hoot, no homo (like kinda a lot homo but don’t make it weird) https://t.co/GLc5D83XQZ
— Adam Rippon (@Adaripp) March 20, 2018
At this time of year please spare a thought for the Cadbury social media team. pic.twitter.com/rEvEy6s9Rg
— Jamie Ross (@JamieRoss7) March 27, 2018
I am terror. I am the night. pic.twitter.com/UD0gUMLWLF
— Fredrik Jutfelt 🦇 (@FredrikJutfelt) March 28, 2018
Hey, get your external validation where you can. pic.twitter.com/OVe6IBtV4d
— yellow3131 (@yellow3131) March 27, 2018
Have the bravery to live as honestly as my aunt who puts Splenda in Chardonnay at restaurants.
— Tim Federle (@TimFederle) March 29, 2018
And a favorite April Fool, because it shouldn’t wait:
An exclusive first look at me as the new James Bond! What a surreal day. pic.twitter.com/ZWcZPAEj1P
— Ben Platt (@BenSPLATT) April 1, 2018