Okay, so I cheated this month. The first five tweets are from me, the rest were collected by my good friend, Katelyn. I’m still taking a twitter break while working on a big project for a reunion this summer. So, in no particular order, here are our favorite April tweets. As usual, the Swear Trek tweets give this a PG rating.
My 3 year-old just made me crap my pants when she looked down our bathroom sink and goes “Hi Georgie…”
(Keep in mind she’s never seen a scary movie in her life, let alone IT)
Against my better judgement i look down the drain AND
..it’s Peppa Pig’s little brother, George. 🙄 pic.twitter.com/65iWQkMevq
— bri (@BornToBriWild) April 13, 2018
why go to Coachella when you can go to MozzaRella, a festival i just invented where you sit inside and try not to get deep fried cheese grease on your underwear
— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) April 14, 2018
when you realize how much of your life you’ve wasted arguing on the internet pic.twitter.com/VIQUBthFfy
— Swear Trek (@swear_trek) April 14, 2018
📰|| #SebastianStan on the cover of Augustman april cover.
— Sebastian Stan France™ (@SebStanFrance) April 6, 2018
Old Headshot Day really snuck up on me this year
— Sean Brewster (@TheSeanBrewster) April 28, 2018
The amount it helps me to go on a celebrity's wikipedia and see that they're even 12 days older than me is pathetic.
— Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) April 18, 2018
whoever said never mix business with pleasure clearly ain't tried a gummy vitamin
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 24, 2018
Show me a person who eats healthy when waiting for a plane at the airport and I will show you a crazy person.
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) April 21, 2018
No romaine lettuce? You don’t have to tell me twice
— B.J. Novak (@bjnovak) April 21, 2018
Even the sandwich I’m making for my daughter is disappointed in me. pic.twitter.com/Av9yebzJb5
— Mike Leffingwell (@mikeleffingwell) April 18, 2018
The first person to cook rice probably cooked way more rice than they expected.
— Mr. Drinks On Me (@Mr_DrinksOnMe) April 15, 2018
Every successful shipment begins with finding the perfect box pic.twitter.com/2arA0mJQlv
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) April 7, 2018
My version of Russian Roulette is having multiple old coffees in my car and hoping I grab the fresh one while driving.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) April 27, 2018
There was probably a better way to write this headline pic.twitter.com/MCgzB5pq79
— Lindsey Bahr (@ldbahr) April 25, 2018
You guys. San Diego is really going to need your prayers around 10am today. pic.twitter.com/4hXFpL23Cz
— Michael Benjamin (@mfbenji) April 19, 2018
Lord give me the confidence of the man eating a personal pan pizza before 9am on this plane
— Sam Lansky (@samlansky) April 18, 2018
My neighbor watched me flail my way through a surprise spiderweb in the driveway and now the power dynamic between us has perceptibly shifted.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 26, 2018
sometimes instead of a full dinner, i like to just have a few small appetizers and then also a full dinner
— Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) April 24, 2018
Laughing at myself as I once again pack workout clothes for a trip. When will I learn?
— Steve Hely (@helytimes) April 15, 2018
Anyone else going to Coachella this weekend??? I’m staying 300 miles away.
— maggie mull (@infinitesimull) April 13, 2018
Stop posting pictures of long essays on Twitter. I’m here because I don’t want to read.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) April 18, 2018
No one on Earth has ever said, "Hooray! Salmon burgers!"
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) April 17, 2018
I had to answer the door earlier I’m done for the day
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) April 23, 2018